Agony




How could I sit next to you as
fully-clothed twenty-year-old college student
pretending she’s not longing
her first love
so bad

Though my mind was getting dirty
to kiss you on the neck
and cheek
and lips
over and over again without closing your front door

Then air was heavier than before
You asked permission to take a bath
All I had heard outside you locked bathroom was
water splashing hard to you toilet tile
As my brain was overlapped, crossing the lines,
I still sit neatly in front of your laptop’s monitor,
like a little girl who’s paying her full attention
to finish her all-weeks homework

You stepped out
Heavier air now mixed with you fresh-washed hair
You’re drying your hair with chocolate-white strip cotton towel
The rushed of blood ambushed me
I wouldn’t let myself living in despair
after this load-of-shit mental case

I pulled you back
to the place where you probably clean your sticky white liquid
that mixed with my own

I locked the door
I was so clever that you never realize
I hide a fucking glass-piece, no, glass-vas piece
you broke when you raped me few hours ago
so harsh, won’t be forgiven, unforgotten

Then I ripped out your flesh
When I saw red blood streamed all over the tiles,
I could recall it was such a blood stream between my thighs

I changed cloth, finished packing with all your bullshit about first love
and endless love, and unlimited patience, and commitment,
and make love as a proof of worshipping each other’s, and complicated past,
and unfinished relationship, and how lovely seeing me naked,
and how you loved it being inside me, and your whimpering, and your gasping for air,
and more loaded of bullshits inside my current mind were trying to burst out

I said goodbye to you, as harsh and cruel as I could do
to a man whom I smelled his sexual-air room and sore semen
few hours ago

I locked him in his room
I released him from my room

4 comments:

f i n a s o f i a n a said...

keren dit..
keren banget..
u always make me yelling in silent..
somehow i envied u but then inspired me at last

Big round of applause**

maulani said...

LOL
Lol fina yes! Everybody envies someone fo' certain matter :P
I envy you for your simplicity too but I love it! :D
Thanks a lot, bunch of hug!

penari rajam said...

such a tiger :)
salam kenal

maulani said...

Terima kasih penari rajam.. Inno itukah namamu?