Laut Biru Hamparan Salju

Di pikiranku
Terlilit lautan lepas
Dangkal, biru pekat.

Sampai kapan mau berlari
Jauh menempuh lautan salju pilu
Yang kekal, terjal
Yang kelu, beku?

Ada waktu dimana kamu, aku
Diam, diam
Tanpa arah
Menyelam dalam salju

Tetap diam
Butuh pertolongan
Masih diam
Sedetik lagi mati
Tetap diam

Denyut kita hilang
Ditelan dinginnya lautan salju biru yang kekal dan kelu
Diserap pedihnya diam
Diserap pedihnya diam dalam diam yang mati keperihan

Kita selesai
Ditelan diam
Ditelan salju, laut haru biru
Bekunya hati kamu.


It was until I realize I am sick to death, being unable to breathe, thinking of leaving you. Yet I know I am strong enough to die.

Unaware and blind.
Throwing myself to bed as if I could float or choke or smile or something good or bad or in between or nothing but I know I'm trying to peel off this misery out of my brain.

Broken and weak.
I need more pills that give me a glance if how good life could be without you, how i would be smiling with no heaviness on my chest.

How I wish I know where life will end us.
You and I.
Between rainbows and lines.

Imaginary Conversation

Is when I want you
to asked, at least:
How was your day?

It's that simple

To you.


Please tell me how it is done.
To be innocence among those devilish minds.
Among those delucious juicy flesh.

Please tell me.
Instruct me.
Move me.
As I want..

To be inside your radar so I won't be invisible anymore while screaming my pain before your very own eyes.


I am rejected by your giant size ego.
Let me know which door to enter.
Let me know which street to across.

Lack of knowledge.
No more information.


I vowed to cut down.
I am not going to be your feast for tonight.

Not anymore.


I could hear my heart exploding a grenade of an impatient sirens of war.


Against your threat.


More understanding.
More pills of trust.

More calm tone.

More understanding.

Those will be my breakfast menu tomorrow. Stir them well, Cook!


Be present is not enough.
I have to be braver.
I have to make communication and agreement between two-headed evils.
You and I, in the deepest dissapointment.