The Part of

Selamat Pagi

2011-11-22T19:04:00.001+07:00

Ketidakberdayaanku membangunkan deru napasmu membuatku bertanya.

Apa yang mematahkan desah lugu itu. Saat kamu menggigil, mengisap jemari dulu, aku disitu. Mengusap sepimu. Mengendap ke balik bajumu.

Ketidakberdayaanku mengecup puing sesalmu menimbun tanya di pojok percakapan kita di sela teh manis hangat.

Apa yang meresahkan dua pasang mata yang dulu meliar membabi buta menerkam puting payudaraku.

Saat kamu kehilangan rasa aman di ambang keputusasaan, aku disitu. Mengelus rambutmu dengan doa semoga hari esok membelaimu dengan kabar baik.

Ketidakberdayaanku mengorek perasaanmu membuatku menulis daftar pertanyaan panjang. Seperti bon makan malam kita yang tak pernah terbayarkan.

Adzan subuh membangunkanku. Di ujung sepi yang mulai meleleh menjadi raung pujian atas-Nya, air mataku berlarian ke pipi.

"Aku kangen".
Delivered

New Dress In My Closet

2011-11-18T13:11:00.001+07:00

Saya tidak tahu itu terusan punya siapa. Pagi hari sudah ada di dalam lemari baju saya.
Warnanya merah menyala. Seperti perhatian kamu yang tidak henti-hentinya pada saya.

Pagi hari sudah ada 5 pesan singkat. 2 panggilan yang tidak terjawab.

Saya seperti sedang mabuk tanpa alkohol. Tanpa obat-obatan. Tanpa ganja. Tanpa suntikan apapun seperti di film 'Trainspotting'.

Saya membuka lemari setiap hari. Terusan itu tetap ada di lemari. Tidak tahu punya siapa. Tiba-tiba ada disana.

Perlahan warna merahnya memudar.

Tidak ada balasan pesan singkat pagi-pagi. Tidak lagi ada klakson mobil di malam hari. Tidak lagi ada panggilan tak terjawab. Yang ada, telepon dari saya tidak diangkat-angkat.

Perlahan, warna merahnya memudar.
Pindah, berpendar ke langit-langit mulut saya yang tercekat akan bentakan kamu yang tiba-tiba, bantingan pintu kamar saat lampu masih menyala, sengaja membangunkan saya, menyuruh saya pulang ke rumah.

Warna merahnya pindah.
Ke luka dalam mata, yang menahan tangis dan kecewa-kecewa.
Pindah ke dalam nafas yang dengan berat hati membiarkan kamu menelan kenyataan.

Warna merahnya pindah ke amarah suara saya yang bergetar.
Saat semua perhatian cuma kamu anggap bualan dan candaan.

Terusan itu tiba-tiba bilang,
"Coba pakai".

Aku berkaca.

Mirip sekali aku dengan mantan istrimu.

Break

2011-11-16T09:53:00.001+07:00

Apart from writing poem I make music with my Bogorian fellow. It's free download (or maybe you can add tip) here:

Thank you for being so patient waiting for the updates. I'm still busy with my brother's post-wedding stuffs.

Allahu Akbar

2011-09-06T08:30:00.000+07:00

Suara takbir menggema saru.
Inikah kemenanganku?

Shape

2011-08-30T14:06:00.000+07:00

I am round.
An ethereal blurry dot.

You

2011-07-06T04:13:00.001+07:00

Calm my nerve.
And soothe the roughest edge of my fiery rage.
#ftsu

#ssssh

2011-06-20T15:47:00.001+07:00

Go go to the top of the mountain and let's jump to the core of delirium's castle. Let's start the battle. #ssssh

Dance me, devil. Let's go to the disco and make me diva, do the favour and you shall be vanished forever! #ssssh

One day. You and I will be naked in one room on judgment day. And we'll still be laughing out loud for life we've wasted. #ssssh

Nothing's too serious unless we breathe in and out together to create the rarest satisfaction of mixed-emotion celebration. #ssssh

FTSU more..and more.

2011-04-26T21:28:00.002+07:00

Your heart is my home. A place I don't wanna leave. A space where I'll be spending my old days. #ftsu

Hun. A good night kiss is well wrapped in your pillow. Have a nice dream okay :) #ftsu

I run outta words to describe how I wish my house is your room. With one desk lamp on through the night we'll share heart codes and symbols. #ftsu

I love you. Words are just to shallow and silent is just too naïve.#ftsu

you right.no one will trust til they feel it.the love,rush from the heart to eyes,to stream of tears,to realize it's such a blessing.#ftsu

"I love you," I said. Repeatedly when you put your sleepy head on my lap. You fast asleep. "And sometimes it chocked me too tight". #ftsu

You fresh milky skin and Sebamed-scent cheeks. I don't need good atmosphere to type few fucking cheesy lines if I cud have dat luxury. #ftsu

Solitude escape through rain and thunder is not complete without broken hearted songs. #ftsu

Amin

2011-04-23T00:32:00.000+07:00

Tertegun, di pusara waktu yang membawa saya ke angan akan kamu.
Cemburu akan waktu yang lalu lalang membawa kita ke petang yang sama.
Petang yang membawa tawa, dan tanda tanya.

Saya sering.
Menemukanmu di pinggir cangkir kopi yang saya teguk.
Mendapatkanmu terselip di kata-kata manis puisi yang saya baca.
Saya sering.
Menyekamu di sela air mata yang bertubi jatuh ke bantal tiap malam.

Lebih sering.
Mengucap nama di tengah doa yang diucap tak bersuara tiap malam.
Sebelum tidur.

FTSU Series Part Two

2011-03-31T09:35:00.001+07:00

Sometimes, missing-you moment chokes me too tight. #ftsu

Above all those childish whimpering stuffs, deep kiss was all I need. Deep. Warm. Dry kiss. A bit wet on bottom lips... #ftsu
...Let's make it simple. Let's just have a deep kiss. Let's soften the rough surface of our emotion. #ftsu

You flooded me with simple things. Am drown, not really prepared for everything. #ftsu

Like a shrub among palm trees, am longing for dry season of missing you. #ftsu

If only. We live under the same roof tonight, I will stay awake staring at the pillow, peeking from ur shoulder. #ftsu

Are you mocking at me? You're surely do. I can't have a good night sleep since you're holding my dream still. Tightly. #ftsu

I constantly breathing in what we had done today, yesterday, last week, and I'm able to reeling few songs from ur CD. That's. Period.#ftsu

FTSU Series on Twitter

2011-03-17T07:05:00.001+07:00

And the stream on my face will tell you how much I miss the late night talking, and late night laugh, and your little touch. #ftsu

Saat semuanya diam, yang bicara itu cuma mimpi dan harapan yang terbuang. Yang sakit cuma hati. Deep down inside u're still my galaxy. #ftsu

And rain brings my tears to your ocean of understanding. #ftsu

If I could just wake up, I would wake up with u in front of me smiling like a baby and gimme little kiss. #ftsu

I need a private room. To be with you. To talk to you. To let your fingers brush my hair. Your heart, is something to die for. #ftsu

I'm sailing to my empty room to find my self before I'm able to turn on my radar to find you. Your signal now, is too low. #ftsu

I can't imagine someone sleeps beside you and brushes your hair while your sleeping. Kissing your cheek sweetly. I can't. #ftsu

I should've loved you secretly. So the pain will hide. So the tears will dry. So we can talk as much as we want! #ftsu

*Kadang kemana-mana ngga bawa laptop ataupun alat tulis, jadinya update di twitter dengan hashtag #ftsu*

The Safest Hiding Place

2011-03-02T09:48:00.000+07:00

is in the corner of your crystal tears.

Taken Flat

2011-02-20T22:20:00.000+07:00

The measurement was too identical with others.
I can't go on.

Bercinta

2011-02-04T21:54:00.002+07:00

Sebenarnya kagalauan berdansa di kepala saya sekarang.
Kesengsaraan atas kamu yang menganggap saya cuma debu yang menempel di bantal.
Tolong.
Saya kehilangan identitas.
Saya.
Penuh.
Amarah.

Fuck.
Please let me know if you want war.

Jari saya nanti mencakar mata kamu.
Kaki saya membuat kepalamu berdarah-darah.

Tanpa pisau,
saya bisa mengambil hatimu di dalam sana.

Bilang saja kalau sudah siap.
Rambut palsumu, dan kelamin betina itu.
Saya siap merobeknya.

Selasa Malam

2011-02-01T19:51:00.002+07:00

Rasa sakit dalam hati, bisa tersisa bisa pergi. Tapi, saat menatap dalam matamu yang cekung, aku merasa tidak ada yang perlu aku tangisi. Luka itu memang selalu datang, tapi tidak untuk singgah semalam. Bisa hanya beberapa jam, bisa sampai seharian, sebulan, tahunan. Tapi saat memalingkan mataku ke dalam matamu, ada cahaya yang tidak pernah redup. Cahaya yang senantiasa bicara, "aku akan peluk kamu sampai tangismu mereda".

Redanya tangisku, membuat cahayamu meredup.

"Kamu tidak membutuhkan aku saat bisa tertawa lepas".

Aku kembali berkaca-kaca. Apa bisa aku kuat tanpa pelukan kamu?

Seperti orang bodoh, menunggu kabar dari timeline yang tak kunjung datang.

"Kamu akan baik-baik saja," aku mengutip kata-katamu.

Aku menangis. Tapi aku tidak meredup. Keinginanku untuk bertemu denganmu tidak meredup.
Aku terus menangis, tapi aku tidak meredup. Aku melihatmu di ujung tujuanku.

Itu.
Kekuatan itu, yang tidak bisa aku raih sekarang. Aku harus kembali melewati beribu lapisan tangis. Beribu level kesesakan. Aku terus mengejarmu.

Kekuatan itu yang aku butuhkan.

Keyakinan kamu masih menunggu, di ujung jalan. Sampai aku kuat dan tinggi, sampai aku memakai mahkota putri. Kamu disana, di ujung tujuanku, tetap bersinar, walaupun hanya setitik tapi kamu ada.

Keyakinan itu, yang menuntunku, menuntun rasa rindu berkepanjanganku, bertahan sampai akhir.
Sampai akhir saat aku kelelahan kehabisan napas.
Sampai akhir.

Sampai cuma aku yang menatap mata cekungmu.
Bukan dia, atau siapa-siapa.

Sampai akhir.
Aku akan berlari menuju cahayamu.
Supaya cuma aku
yang bisa memeluk dan bernapas di balik tubuh rapuhmu.

(lagi dengerin Sara Bareilles- The Light)

Shit

2011-02-01T04:09:00.001+07:00

Kenapa.
Saya.
Harus.
Menangis.
Mengingat.
Ciuman.
Kita.
Di.
Dini.
Hari.
Begini.

(Bangsat)

Hissing Night

2011-01-30T21:50:00.000+07:00

This morning I saw an impala running cheerfully on a grassy land. She was so happy, I could tell by her happy smile. It was very hard to forget her.

All this afternoon, I could hear her steps banging my head, She was away, too far away from here yet my brain was reeling that melody of her tippie toes. On my way back home, I almost couldn’t bear that my throat’s wanting her flesh immediately.

I have been wondering.

What it tasted like. Her fury skin and leg that moves my stomach. Her wide eyes which caught my attention, really wanted by my long hungry tongue. I wonder if I could finished that beast in one single move. I have been wondering how to attack her, how to eat her alive while she was not with her guard, that shitty big impala, a man, a gentle man.

I went back to my cave, my wet and muddy cave, a lonely one. That night, I dreamt of her. I dreamt of her smooth silhouette curve, dancing in the silent of night. I have got a blue print of ultimate strategy to beat her. To let her down, kissing me deep and give her all.

Tomorrow, I will open my mouth wide, to swallow her.

See you, dear. I will have a good night sleep, curling up, with my skin radaring you.

Ode to Selfishness

2011-01-29T15:43:00.001+07:00

Kalau kamu tahu bagaimana rasanya lapar, kamu pasti tidak akan korupsi.
Akan takut mengambil hak orang lain. Akan takut azab yang menuntunmu ke neraka.

Kalau kamu tahu rasanya menderita, pasti kamu akan bersikap adil. Pasti tidak akan memukul seenaknya orang miskin. Pasti tidak akan memenjarakan pencuri ayam yang tidak punya pekerjaan sementara anak-istrinya sudah dua hari kelaparan.

Pak Presiden yang gembul, pasti makannya banyak. Coba puasa. Lebih dari dua belas jam. Penderitaan otang miskin itu tidak hanya menahan lapar selama dua belas jam!!!

Bangsat.

Kalau kamu merasa pemimpin, kamu harus merasakan penderitaan rakyat. Tidak dengan bersimpati obral kebaikan sana-sini tapi diikuti kamera televisi.Tidak dengan memberikan uang tapi seiring waktu pemilihan umum usai, kamu mengambil paksa uang kamu dengan keharusan membayar pajak berlebih!

Saya, mantan mahasiswa yang berusia 23 tahun di kota kecil, menantang semua pemimpin untuk puasa 24 jam tanpa tidur dari waktu magrib sampai subuh. rasakan kemewahan makanan, rasakan seteguk air yang datang. Rasakan penderitaan rakyat yang datang. Rasakan penderitaan rakyat miskin supaya kalian tahu berappa korupsi itu benar-benar pekerjaan babi!

Pantat!

Tapi untuk sekarang, saya mau menyudahi.
Selamat untuk para koruptor, selamat untuk para penganiaya. Selamat untuk para bos besar yang menyiksa bawahannya. Selamat untuk para petinggi anjing yang cuma suka nongol di televisi dengan senyum dan bicara, “Saya menyumbang sekian puluh juta”.
Saya tidak akan ikut ke neraka bersama Anda-anda.

Tidak percaya juga azab menanti? Tunggu sampai benar-benar mati. Rasakan sendiri sensasi pecutan bara, api bergejolak dimana-mana. Dan, penderitaan rakyat jelata, mengaum bersama mereka.
Selamat mencicipi menu lengkap penderitaan di neraka.
Saya tidak mau ikut Anda-anda.

Dadaaah!

Dalam

2011-01-28T14:45:00.000+07:00

Patah hati itu.
Seperti serpihan kaca.
Tak terasa.
Tapi terus bertambah,
bertebaran,
belarakan di atas lantai hatiku yang berubah ungu.

Patah hati itu.
Seperti membawa bangkai busuk kemana-mana.
Orang tahu.
Saya cemburu.

Patah hati itu.
Saat diduakan.
Barang,
pakaian,
uang.

Sampai saat ini.
Cuma satu bentuknya, yang paling jelas.
Yang selalu saya ingat.
Yang sebenarnya mungkin bisa saya hindari.

Patah hati itu.
Tahu kamu sedang ciuman disana.
Saya
mengetik dengan air mata.

Score

2011-01-27T12:44:00.000+07:00

You have mint scent on your mouth
I can't let it out
I won't be afar from

You have sweetest wink from your two eyes
Yummy eyelashes with mascara
I want to lick

Your hair
A bird's nest
Black. Deep. I want to swim the ocean of its mystery

Let me lost in you
In your mouth
Which just have spoken the best truth
I have ever hugged

Hi

2011-01-26T01:34:00.000+07:00

All I need.
Is simple good night wishes.

Thank you.

Tolong

2011-01-24T08:39:00.002+07:00

Bantu saya
bunuh diri.

Selamatkan saya.
Dari setan yang terkutuk.

Amin.

Bangun Cinta Di Tahun Ke-Tiga

2011-01-19T00:09:00.000+07:00

Kembali lagi.
Di pusara rindu.
Di keheningan tanpa pelukmu.
Di teriakan bisu akan sakitku.

Disitu.
Serak suaraku memantul.
Dentum anganku bersiul.
Disitu.

Di ujung keangkuhanmu.
Di dalam ketidakterimaanku atas kebenaran kalau aku
tidak mau terus
terjatuh

Bersamamu.

Sekian tahun.
Kita terperosok ke titik rawan yang sama.
Berkali-kali.
Lebam kanan kiri.

LAGI!

Kalau bisa,
setelah tahun ke-tiga,
tidak usah lagi jatuh cinta.

Bawa Kesini Lemari Cintamu

2011-01-17T23:55:00.001+07:00

Apapun yang terselip
di ujung rak buku mu

Kalau ada sesuatu
di bawah langkah kakumu

Atau
Yang tidak sempat kamu katakan
Di sela doamu

Kemarikan
Semua

Pastikan
Tidak ada sisa
Yang tersisa dari sisa makian kita tadi malam
Dari sisa ciuman kita setelah perang

Bawa kesini
Peluk aku dari sana sudah cukup
Tapi tolong bawa kesini

Arus lepas rindumu
Arus pasang letihmu

Aku siap
Menjadi bumi bagi kerapuhanmu
Menjadi perahu tempat pasukan napsumu

Bawa kesini
Debu-debu yang menempel di kerlip rasa cemburu itu

Aku siap
menjadi angin yang membentangkan harapmu
membangun bahagia
tanpa batas dunia

Content

2011-01-10T08:11:00.003+07:00

Full.
I'm full.

I need another break.

Get out.

Soon.

Amen.

Hati

2010-11-26T09:18:00.003+07:00

Kalau seandainya saya punya hati cadangan, mungkin saya akan memakaikannya di tubuh saya saat saya bersamamu. Memberikan hati cadangan yang tidak penuh dengan kata-kata kasar, tidak penuh dengan makian, tidak penuh dengan keinginan saya untuk dituruti.

Seandainya hati cadangan itu memang ada, saya akui saya akan lebih senang karena hati cadangan itu bekerja sesuai mesin yang memenuhi keinginan kamu, yang bisa membuat hubungan kita berjalan lancar karena semua keinginan berjalan sesuai kemauan kamu.

Jika hati cadangan itu hadir dalam hubungan kita, bisa jadi semuanya akan lebih baik karena saya akan menjadi orang tanpa emosi, tanpa keinginan untuk dimengerti, tanpa keinginan untuk menampar keegoisan kamu yang seperti anjing kelaparan, tanpa keinginan untuk membenturkan kepalamu yang keras ke batu karang. Kamu tidak akan terluka, hatimu terbuat dari baja. Baja itu melapisi tubuhmu, karena itu kamu memang harus berdarah.

Tapi, tidak pernah ada kata selamat datang untuk hati cadangan.
Pada akhirnya, hati saya-lah yang berdarah-darah.

Pertanyaan selanjutnya, bagaimana bisa hati kamu berdarah, kalau kamu hanya membenturkan hati saya? Kalau saya tidak pernah cukup dalam menusuk hati kamu, entah dengan kata-kata saya atau dengan sikap sok benar saya.

Kalau saja hati kamu memang bisa berdarah, buktikan di depan saya, dengan anak panah di sekujur tubuhmu, dengan luka bakar di sekitar hatimu, dengan kata-kata halus.
Kalau memang hati kamu belum cukup berdarah, selamat tinggal adalah kata-kata yang saya akan ucapkan selanjutnya.

Dan hati cadangan itu, memang tidak pernah ada.

It is. Isn't it?

2010-11-15T15:50:00.000+07:00

I think it’s okay to let go some love. To breathe out some foolish thoughts. To let you go.

I think it’s okay to think of anybody else. To dive into their minds. To fuck within 20 minutes, under influence of the moon.

I think it’s legal to have illegal thoughts about satan. To summon dangerous spell upon you who have loved me, who have known me well. To do bad things.

I think it is okay.

To let you go.

SUNDAY

2010-11-14T12:19:00.001+07:00

Heartache is
when you fucked me up with your being muted.

Pengertian

2010-11-09T10:33:00.002+07:00

Saya tidak tahu apa-apa. Saya buta. Entah ini perasaan macam apa. Saya sungguh ingin membunuhnya. Saya ingin membunuhnya. Saya ingin membunuhnya. Saya ingin membunuhnya. Persetan ini apa. Saya harus membunuhnya.

Rambutnya pendek, fashionable. Betapa saya iri padanya. Sungguh saya ingin menjadi seperti itu. Punya stock baju selemari lebih. Wajahnya oriental. Saya sungguh ingin membunuhnya. Saya ingin membunuhnya. Saya ingin membunuhnya.

Ternyata lelaki brengsek itu masih menyimpan foto-foto dia di komputernya. Mungkin tidak ada di komputer juga, dia masih ingat semua memori tentang mereka di hatinya.

Saya kalah. Saya kalah. Dari jauh hari sebelum saya memulainya. Saya sudah kalah. Dia memang bukan untuk saya. Dia untuk perempuan itu. Tidak akan berubah sampai kapanpun.

Nama mereka sama, bergantung pada satu sama lain. Nama mereka sama, bagian dari masing-masing. Saya tidak ada apa-apanya dibanding dia.

But Us

2010-10-01T07:47:00.002+07:00

Our love is strong unlabeled relationship that no one understand but us
It is engaging, it bounds me, it creates hole in my heart that never seems to close unless you fill it with your random sights
Our love is a secret code with no secret number to unlock. That no one could solve but us.
It is sealed under the moon beam. It is burned under our skin that will never be found unless we adjoin our open mouths and watered them with nameless kisses
Our love is massive sparkling lights. That no one can see but us.
It’s shining upon when we’re holding hands. When we exchange stories and laughs, that no one could never understand.
But us.
And this crap,
is a piece of puzzle that no one can never find countless other pieces.

Because I put them inside a trinket,
that no one can ever reach.

But us.

An Other

2010-08-30T11:50:00.005+07:00

There will be a day when i really need a spare. As if one never enough.
One really annoying and i need a spare. Of solid human being. Of real monster that will eat me alive since i am too wild to exist.

I really need a spare. A morning with coffee. A night with break of normal life.
I really really need a spare.

Of boiling veins that will catch my words and care of every detail.

I really need a spare.
Of tamed animal, of nodding machine who can't bitch me up.

I do.

And i don't feel bad. That's tragedy.

Oh by the way, did you know that I've had a phone sex with your close friend when you're not listening? When you're not cooperative enough to be good friends nor lover?

I will congratulate you of every clumsy response you've given me. I will congratulate this red stream inside my panties that slammed my emotion and gave me roller coaster ride.

Cool life. You'll never know what I've done behind your back. You'll never know how I happily seduce your close friends and drink their spit, gulping a big glass of their sperms in my mouth.

I still will congratulate your carelessness.

Thank you for giving me such an option. You're still the best, since you never listen to me I'd ask other people to listen to me. It's that easy. And life will not stop giving me enough option to choose.

SSSSSHHHHHHHHHH

2010-08-03T10:03:00.003+07:00

Can't you please just shut up?
Shut the fuck up and lemme wake up at 10 a.m?
Not asking me to park neatly in front of your house, and please don't speak at all?
I need to have a world of my own without you surrounding my wall
Without you poisoning my style

Please.

Or i should move to another nest without your shitty unmatching, not-appropriate, silly-and-harsh crap?
I will.
At the time i've done with this, you gonna miss me.

One by One

2010-07-22T12:51:00.001+07:00

I am here
trapped in my tiny world
If my hearts could torn into the tiniest piece
this is the time
I’ve been dreaming lately to become a person who would just finish anything I had screwed up before
but now I ended up shit as if I was just build a castle of lies
lies beneath surface which no one knows, so that no one care
Congratulation will never be enough
And sorry seems too much

Darken

2010-07-01T23:26:00.002+07:00

I want us.
to enlighten.

I want you.
to soften.

I want me.
to stop myself from crying out.

Space

2010-04-04T09:25:00.002+07:00

We’ve created a room of our own.
We build our space, starry space with fluorescence light bulb and glowing flame.
As they grow, I won’t leave. I cannot.
The space’s getting bigger, and it has filled, as always, with our warm conversation about future,
our growing hot sexual air, our icy cold argumentation.
We’re getting stronger.
The bound, the understanding.
Each heart grows flower, different kinds of flower
that connected to other’s flower-growing heart
to tighten and hold onto them.
Our space is a vine yard.
Never been disconnected.

Insect Ego

2010-03-18T13:43:00.003+07:00

I am the unfathomable ocean of darkness
and hatred, and vicious fury monster
I colored my hair black, cut it so I look stylish,
and put handmade hairclip so I gorgeously, stunningly, attract people
But they, this is how they attract people
They talk shit
(that’s why I don’t like because I am the nerdy bastard rehearsing Donne)
They laugh together
(that’s what I don’t like because I narrow my eyebrow and hang a pen between my lips
when I write lyrics)
I called it envy
I am jealous
I am the jealousy
I am jealous and I mean it
Congratulation to all of you who's in one same fucking party
monsters with snake skin and lamb heart
go fuck yourself

Berdoa Dalam Rumah

2010-03-12T12:45:00.004+07:00

Kalau nanti aku pergi, bukan mati
Tapi pergi dari sini saat kamu tidak siap
Biarkan aku
keluar

Disini pengap dan terlalu normal
Disini penuh kata bijak tapi tidak tahu cara mengimplemetasikan
Disini penuh wejangan tentang kebangsatan yang bisa selesai hanya dengan doa
Hanya dengan sebuah kepercayaan kalau semua bakal selesai begitu saja

Dimana aku
butuh ruang
butuh udara
butuh ruang hampa supaya aku tidak terbawa kata yang terlalu sering ditancapkan di kedua telinga
DImana aku bebas dan cengkraman doa yang katanya bisa merubah segalanya

Tidak ada kata persetan dengan doa
Tidak ada yang bisa menolak kekuatan doa
Setidaknya aku bukan
Setidaknya aku tahu aku masih punya Tuhan

Tapi
aku butuh banyak ruang
aku butuh air dan oksigen dan keributan dan keberingasa dan kebangsatan dan darah dan amarah dan pecahan gelas dan beling dan darah lagi dan tamparan dan tusukan dan

KABUR

Aku percaya
di titik didih rasa jenuh
aku akan pergi sendirian
dan hanya doa yang nantinya membawaku
padamu
pada kotak kecil yang mengikat
tirai tipis sekuat pilar dimana aku memaki "BABI!"
yang bernama rumah

Nanti
akan ada saatnya
cuma doa yang bisa membawaku kesana

Broken Fragments

2010-02-08T23:13:00.003+07:00

I am just lost
Exhausted
I cannot reach the finish line
I have no energy left to continue
And please stop me… Coz I have my auto-run mode on
SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Full Stop

2010-02-07T20:37:00.003+07:00

I surrendered in my own fortress
to keep you here
caged

I finally became careless.

I am now
in between.

I am now:
go further
or
stop

See you.
Period.
Space.
I left myself surrendered.

Tinggalkan Aku di Belantara Ragu

2010-02-01T23:59:00.004+07:00

Yang tidak terselesaikan
atau yang menjadi misteri
itu yang dikenang
daripada
semua yang manis
diakhiri dengan tangis
atau
semua yang dibangun
menjadi sia-sia
karena kita-kita juga
karena aku
yang tetap tidak mau
menyelesaikan
misteri
dan masa lalu
dan
yang masih menggila
ingin bersamamu

Demonstrasi

2010-01-30T20:26:00.002+07:00

Dan rasanya, membangkang itu bagai bebas dari jerat. Bagai lepas dari borgol yang mengikat.
Tanpa paksaan, tanpa permintaan, membangkang itu kesenangan.
Tidak berbekas, tidak berwujud tapi aku ketagihan.
Pembangkangan itu bagai sulut api yang siap membakar wajahmu yang hina.
Aku sulut api yang siap membunuhmu, mengobarkan api amarahku tepat di wajahmu.
Tepat membumi-hanguskan ego anjingmu.
Membuat abu keluh-kesah keparatmu.

Dan rasanya mati rasa, saat bernapas cepat menahan napsuku
untuk menampar kembali semua janji yang diucap dalam bisu,
untuk melontarkan lagi uap mendidih toleransiku
atas ke-anjinganmu
atas ke-membabi-butaanmu atas aku
yang tidak mau tahu
bagaimanapun
pembangkangan harus hidup
di atas penindasan atas mimpi, angan, dan pengharapan.

Tidak ada cinta yang hina.
Aku yang membuatnya.

Inhale

2010-01-28T09:05:00.002+07:00

I promised you to walk through many miles
But in the middle of the road you changed direction
and you changed your place to stay
I promised you I’ll be your dearest home to stay
Shelter to share, shelter of your own world
With no harm I approached you; with no-shit care I retouch your burning bones
But baby now we’re disappear into wild dust tornado
I couldn’t help it

Fire Show

2010-01-26T09:17:00.002+07:00

Droplets of disappointment and small bit of rage
were enough to shoot catastrophe to you
to abruptly avoid complete entry of your inexplicable love
to immediately shut you insensate system of hugging me

I yielded
to send you massive message of
close desire to separate
to send you repetitive post of
bleeding passion to apart

So please don’t bother now
to erase those sparks
to vanish those blinking feelings

I will always be here
waiting
for another attack
of your irregular flak
I am here
Ready for an ambush

This is You

2010-01-13T23:11:00.004+07:00

This is the endless fight
Where you cannot stand with anybody's but your feet
When you cannot have a crush to high-recommended new bloke
After you just lost your sharp instinct on lacing bid

Piano playing and flute and triangle
sounded good when you're crying
Sobbing and gasping and aching
never felt nice before you're ended like shit

We're dumped
We're frightened by our self making delusion

Now I am typing
this imaginable languish in my lack of knowledge to heal wound

I am typing
So you'll read and narrow your eyes

"Does this happen? Does this important?"

I raped by my endless fighting, fighting myself.
From your repugnance
From your envy
From your stupid reason to tear me up to shred

In the end,
I will still type
I will let you know how those feelings build me
I will let you know
I'll stand
Stronger
Impregnable solid human being

Tidak Ada Pelukan di Tangisku

2010-01-09T22:23:00.004+07:00

Jika saja aku bisa meminta
tanpa balasan banyak kata
semuanya tidak menjadi bodoh dan angkuh
seperti awal mula.

Yang ada hanya refleksi emosi
dan kekakuan logika.

Hatiku kotor akan itu.

Frozen Era of Static Mind

2010-01-07T01:22:00.002+07:00

I constantly fluctuate.

Selamat Pagi Rasa Cemburu

2009-12-13T02:57:00.005+07:00

Jika bisa aku akan bertanya:
Apa ada masalah dengan aku
yang lebih segalanya darimu?

Tidak secara pandangan pertama

Aku akan membuatmu menderita
Tercabik, teraniaya, tak lagi bernyawa

Aku berharap agar nanti hari itu akan ada
Saat semua terkuak

Dan busuknya senyummu
akan berbalik pada kesengsaraan abadi

Kita lihat saja nanti

?

2009-11-17T23:59:00.003+07:00

Bagaimana cara menyampaikan rasa rindu yang baik,
jika saya sudah tidak punya kata-kata?

Cinta Bulan

2009-11-16T20:04:00.004+07:00

Aku ingin bercinta
dengan cahaya bulan
di bawah emosi terluapmu
supaya kamu tahu
cahaya itu lebih jernih dari api

Aku ingin mengadu peluh dengan rumput
di sarang lebah di kaki bukit
supaya kamu tahu
tumbuh-kembangnya cintaku
tanpa air tanpa candu

Inilah yang aku sebut kebahagiaan
Perih untuk mendengar
Perih untuk tertindas

You Left Me leftover

2009-11-12T21:41:00.001+07:00

I fucked myself with this getting-old jealousy
When you’re far away without tweet, when you’re far our without me.
I fucked myself with this hail-technology act
when I hope I could see you online, when I thought I can handle it all
with just hoping seeing you online.
People said, “Set your mood with song” or “Set you idea with orange-color wallpaper”
They shared bullshits.
I can never get rid of this getting-old jealousy.

If…
IF
we’re on the same side then why won’t you understand this incomprehensible bugging shit?
IF we’re sheltering each other from harm why could not you try to chew this enigma?
I’m here facing the riddle, solving the puzzle, alone.
I’m always here fighting the aftermath of “Silence is golden” era and irreproachable partner.
If only you’re a girl craving for light from this darken and blind jealousy,
If only you’re a girl with sensitive and careless sixth sense,
you will know how that so-called immune you from wise-and-mature thought
in your upcoming twenty-second birthday

We Are or Were Eerie Sounds

2009-11-07T00:48:00.001+07:00

As a person who now has many friends. I knew several of ‘em well, so many several of ‘em not, most of those several of-them I don’t care. Let’s pretend you don’t, you never care about me but I don’t care if you don’t care and neither of us care about each other, I’ll keep blabbering here.
I know two people, not too close. We are, don’t know when exactly it changed to ‘we were’ good friends. We danced hard, we never fucked the right man, we are (maybe now they were) hard-to-get-drunk babies, we bitched up about assignments, about lecture who got super-geek looks, we mocked the fashion-darling girls who stupidly put pattern LV scarf on their necks with their plain Tees on and yelled, “You bitches, put scarf on your hands like us. But keep daydreaming then, you can never be as famous as us!”
But after that day, three of us wore scarf in the neck and mocked the same triplet fashionista with fringe red pumps screamed,” Triplets wearing red pumps as if they’re fire! We are now wearing scarves on necks to show you how stupid you’re wearing this shit on your neck!”
But the day after we wore fringe chocolate leather boots and kept spreading our venomous words, “See how weird you look in these shoes? You three are really amazing slut! Keep pumping their dicks, Triple Bitches!”
Now I could see.
One of my friends, always wearing minettoka fringe boots, not pump shoes, though they’re boots, like Triplet Bitches.
Another one of my friends, always wearing scarf on her neck. As glorious as those Triple Bitches.
Now am wearing simple flat shoes and jeans. Topless. As what I know, being fashionable like Triplet Bitches don’t work with my fully-filled brain.
Being topless, naked is better, is how to be at the top of your consciousness not to be a copy cat of fashion darlings. It’s so good being one-and-only who wear this and that, showing off you got plenty of money to buy several floral leggings with different pattern and you matched it with unique glasses.
But being naked shown you how you should be proud of your shape, of your inner shape you’d likely to forget about it the most. Being topless showed you how your outer shape shaped you well with only plain jeans.
I now have myself conscious when to look stupid by crafting my outer look looks good and able-to-manipulate people’s thought toward me.
None the less, I am a compliment bitch as crazy as you.

Cinta Neraka

2009-11-04T12:43:00.002+07:00

Kalau memang mau jalan berdua mestinya searah
Pakai kompas yang sama, pakai satu payung berdua
Kalau memang jalannya mau berdua mestinya tidak susul-susulan
tapi berdampingan, samakan arah dan tujuan
Kalau memang mau tetap berdua mestinya samakan persepsi
bukan lari masing-masing, debat kusir bikin pusing
Kalau memang mau selalu berdua bagusnya memang satu rumah
saling mengerti, saling menghargai
bukan intimidasi, bukan tidak mau saling melayani
Kalau tidak punya kompas yang sama, tidak ada di bawah satu payung,
beda rumah diam mematung,
kalau tetap berdua juga…
Selamat datang di neraka

Cut the Veuns Down

2009-11-03T21:37:00.002+07:00

What’s so inhuman to you
If you’re NOT a human itself
That no red blood streams inside your veins
Knowing there’s no veins inside your tissue
You’re running out of your mind when you tried to fuck ‘em all
To give what-the-fuck act upon all consequences
Is that human?
Will that ever be inhuman if you fuck things up
like what you always want to?

What’s so inhuman to you,
if you were never be human
on your own?

Pine Trees and Cigarette

2009-10-21T13:41:00.001+07:00

We met unintended among thousand eyes
They were glared at unicorn at sky playing gameboy
With Merry Christmas Mr. Manhattan’s on
With heads nodded, banged
Feet jumped, hands up
Trance
We were on our own
I was
in amazement of being the only one whose heart
jumped out
seeing a boy dancing with plain white tees and parachute vest
“Twas cool,” all I could rhyme
“Thanks.”
With less than three-word small talk,
you destroy my life more than 11 whole months
deliberately

Agony

2009-10-12T20:47:00.004+07:00

How could I sit next to you as
fully-clothed twenty-year-old college student
pretending she’s not longing
her first love
so bad

Though my mind was getting dirty
to kiss you on the neck
and cheek
and lips
over and over again without closing your front door

Then air was heavier than before
You asked permission to take a bath
All I had heard outside you locked bathroom was
water splashing hard to you toilet tile
As my brain was overlapped, crossing the lines,
I still sit neatly in front of your laptop’s monitor,
like a little girl who’s paying her full attention
to finish her all-weeks homework

You stepped out
Heavier air now mixed with you fresh-washed hair
You’re drying your hair with chocolate-white strip cotton towel
The rushed of blood ambushed me
I wouldn’t let myself living in despair
after this load-of-shit mental case

I pulled you back
to the place where you probably clean your sticky white liquid
that mixed with my own

I locked the door
I was so clever that you never realize
I hide a fucking glass-piece, no, glass-vas piece
you broke when you raped me few hours ago
so harsh, won’t be forgiven, unforgotten

Then I ripped out your flesh
When I saw red blood streamed all over the tiles,
I could recall it was such a blood stream between my thighs

I changed cloth, finished packing with all your bullshit about first love
and endless love, and unlimited patience, and commitment,
and make love as a proof of worshipping each other’s, and complicated past,
and unfinished relationship, and how lovely seeing me naked,
and how you loved it being inside me, and your whimpering, and your gasping for air,
and more loaded of bullshits inside my current mind were trying to burst out

I said goodbye to you, as harsh and cruel as I could do
to a man whom I smelled his sexual-air room and sore semen
few hours ago

I locked him in his room
I released him from my room

HOME

2009-10-05T03:32:00.000+07:00

This what I call,
go back
retreat
I'm yielding
Surrender

This what I'll call
memories
when I grow old
Memory stays

Not only pictures talk
Or taking pics with my stupid outfit
Or make a pose with beer
And some dirty talks with photographer

Not just seeing hanging drawing
Not just clapping my hands for jazz on the street

This is a coming-back trip
This is a return-home holiday

To find my self
in full shape
Full length of understanding
mending pieces of yesterday's feeling

Not just put my legging on
And my mini skirt
And let my self dance hard all nite
with trance
with shadows

This is a home-coming journey
This is life illuminated by new dawn

This is me,
returning back home
ALIVE

Masa Kini Empedu Hati

2009-09-15T15:34:00.001+07:00

Untuk hari ini,
masih ada malam
yang harus aku selesaikan
dengan serigala lapar

Dimana
aku sudah berjanji
aku akan
memberi separuh dagingku
untuk dia makan
hidup-hidup

Dimana
di hutan ini
aku membeiarkan diriku
diterkam
dicungkil
dikulum
dagingku
berkut darahnya
juga menjilat air mata

Raung hatiku
visualisasinya
lebih patut diludahi
lebih cocok dibalut
dengan kalimatMu
yang tak kasat mata

Empedu hatiku
lebih kotor dari itu

Bid Me

2009-09-10T11:30:00.003+07:00

To shut your memory
and forget all that sensitivity

I gave up
earlier

I dropped that coins
to warn you

To kiss you good bye.

Olympus

2009-08-28T09:18:00.004+07:00

Rasanya setengah berguna setengah tidak

Diam itu menyelesaikan masalah
dengan caranya sendiri

Rasanya setengah asa setengah tanpa

Diskusi itu tidak membawa jalan keluar
dengan keangkuhan masing-masing pembicara

Rasanya setengah berpengaruh setengah tidak

Keterpaksaan itu menyisakan sesal
dengan caranya yang tidak aku ketahui

Rasanya setengah mati

Pemaksaan kehendak itu berdampak
pada bagian vital perasaan
yang aku tidak terlalu pedulikan

Tapi

Jadinya akan begini

Saat diam tidak bicara
Saat bicara tidak menyampaikan apa-apa
Saat keterpaksaan hasilnya tak tampak
Saat pemaksaan kehendak buahnya penat

Aku menulis

Itu jauh melahirkan kepuasan
daripada memulai kata yang terpaksa
pada orang yang tidak ingin diskusi murni

Aku marah disini

Aku puas

Daripada bicara tidak didengar yang nantinya
memaksakan diri sendiri
berlanjut pada diam
lalu menambah masalah
dan putus asa

Aku tarik napas panjang
Menabuh genderang perang
dengan Pallas Athena

Siap memangsamu yang selalu bicara:
DENGARKAN!!!

Aku buat kamu
benar-benar diam sekarang.

Pendaran Lampu Asap Ganja

2009-08-25T16:27:00.003+07:00

Sepanjang perjalanan aku membohongin diriku yang sednag berbohong di hadapannya.
The rely of the sun... Slowly decending

Aku melihat lampu mobil berkeliaran di jalan, berlari secepat kilat seperti aku yang sekarang mau lari dari sini.
Atau sekalian menceburkan diri lebih dalam lagi.

We could fly... You and I...

Tidak ada yang lebih indah dari penculikan setelah makan siang oleh orang yang pernah ada di masa lalumu, dan berada jauh di dalam ruang hati dimana pekuburannya sudah tidak dijamah lagi
Kissing... Kissing

Saat mobil berseliweran di jalan dengan bau asap ganja aku menerawang
Apa kabar, rumah? Apa kabar, Pacar?
Sementara tangan kirinya menindih tangan kananku.
Iya, dia menyetir satu tangan di jalan tol dengan kecepatan 100 km/jam!

I’m a turning of a heart

Aku tidak bisa berbohong lagi.
Tidak bisa lebih dari ini.

Dia menikmati lagu selagi aku tidak mau begitu cepat melaju
Tidak akan bisa kalau aku terus-menerus tertawa

Nanti, mungkin aku akan bilang.
Aku tidak bisa punya calon suami yang cuma memegang tangan tanpa tahu perasaan.

Potongan lagu Bliss - Kissing

Temanku Bernama Maya

2009-08-24T01:15:00.003+07:00

Baiklah teman,
kita bertemu setiap hari
di:

Twitter
Facebook
Gtalk
YM
Deviantart
Myspace
Blogdrive
Flickr
Lookbook

Saat kita berdiri bersebelahan di konser band lokal
Tidak ada apapun yang terkata
Dari ujung pangkal lidah

Kalau aku pergi jauh melangkah
Atau mungkin besok pagi mati
Aku percaya

Di rangkaian nama yang terpampang indah,
tidak akan ada namamu tertera

Once Upon a Trance

2009-08-22T14:44:00.001+07:00

Satellite
with your bare mind
Observe me
without being rejected
Sought-after me
after you’re filled with purity
Landed upon me
while you’re on your trance

Past Time Story

2009-08-20T15:17:00.002+07:00

Ameliorate me
with your melody
Arrange me into harmony
until I see how translucent you’re to me
The violin and the drum
and the triangle and the wind
and the roar
I’ll kiss you on your reddish cheekbone
The very last one in century

I Don't Count Swimming on My List

2009-08-15T13:54:00.004+07:00

All right.
Shut up.

Close your mouth.
Tightly.

You're on ambulance, Baby.
You're not inside the sportscar!

I gave you signal and sorry, can't you read?!!

I want you to shut up.

And please now, Baby.
You're none of my business.
For sure.

Go swimming with your friends instead of me.
Instead of asking me to wake up early.

on Sunday.
SUNDAY.

Fuck, on SUNDAY.

SUNDAE, BABY!

Then go ahead.
I'm going into the deep sleep again.

Are You There or Are You not?

2009-08-06T10:02:00.002+07:00

I buzzed
Twice
Instant messaging you again
Many times
“Hei”
Then I was waiting
“OK”
I waited again
I buzzed you three times now
Still
No answer
I was about to explode
I buzzed again
and again
Okay we’re in mute mode
But
maybe it was fifteen buzzes
became annoying
I fell asleep in front of my monitor
while my heart was stabbed with hope
as if you’d call me
as though you’re still full of me
Yet there was stream ran from my left eye to right ear
It flew hard
What I only knew before I solely warped into a deep sleep:
No buzzes
No replies
No message
No call

You appeared online

Perplexed

2009-08-04T17:10:00.002+07:00

Okay now it becomes countless
Now it takes forever to count 24 hours
Now seems it is forever
With the scars and bleeding lungs
With those gown and empty hearts
I stunned
I bewildered
I was going to fuck my self before you’re saying we’re done
I’m done with myself now
Take anything you like
Including this patient and endless viruses hacked my system
So goodnight
And so long.

It's None of Your Business, Bitch

2009-08-03T18:09:00.003+07:00

I worn out. We torn apart.
We never really ready for this. I never really ready for this.
I know I should mend this feeling but all there was perished toleration.
I didn't gallivant around, literally.
I wasn't on a trip.
I observed your each room.
But sorry never works for you.
I never really put myself amid your business.
This rainproof coat now melting, dissapear, following the stream.

You're sorry.

First Thing Is (not) First Sight

2009-07-13T01:53:00.001+07:00

Di pandangan pertama semuanya terletup:
Aku mau kenalan.
Aku harus dapat nomor hape-nya.
Aku mau ajak nonton.

Di jabat tangan pertama semuanya sederhana:
Bayu.
Lembayung.

Di makan siang paling sore semuanya dikatakan:
Mau nonton?
Boleh. (Sambil SMS)
Kenapa?
Bilang sama cowokku dulu.

Di senandung senja paling dini yang sangat menghantui, dia bilang?
Bayu, maaf. Aku harus anter buku ke rumah teman. Kita ngga usah nonton, ya? Lagipula, pacar aku mau ke rumah nanti malam.

Tidak semua pandangan pertama berjalan dengan semestinya.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Lalu, pandangan pertamamu?

Bizzare Lola Pop

2009-07-09T22:25:00.003+07:00

What does maturity refer to?
How does it work?
Is it on sale by spring?
i wish you could see my awkward face

By ultra-high-class technology we own now,
can't you feel my fingers are trembling?
Typing "don't ha ha" and "should I care?"
with my right hand while the left shed my own tears?!
Can't you feel that?!
1400-kilometer far is enough!

AND HA HA THING IS INTOLERABLE.

It doesn't seem appropriate.
Never.

i wanna see you.
I wanna know your whole
Every inch
by heart

Now saying "sorry" won't sound good at all
Leaving you into a deep sleep
as the last option

As if it exists

It takes more that 45 minutes to lost into solitude woody dream land.

D E M A N D I N G O P A L

2009-07-08T23:09:00.000+07:00

The beginning always is the hardest.

And Baby, it’s only our beginning.

Baby, I should be patient

Baby, you should too.

And I need time, Love.

I need you in my time.

But be still.

I need not talk.

Let’s not

verbally.

What Would You Do?

2009-07-01T20:31:00.001+07:00

If i captured your stream of consciousness.

Am I Being Transformed?

2009-06-30T00:01:00.001+07:00

We had only
15-minute talking
After 3-hour mute mode

Could you just imagine how rage had eaten my wholy patient?
Could you just imagine how you screwed me up?
(Or perhaps when I was in my wise mode,I thought I was totally dumb fool to admit that these all was my own fault)
Could we just stop by here for a moment (again),dear?
My fuel of logic-and-rational patient was run out.

Buldoze Me

2009-06-24T19:32:00.001+07:00

We've been through it all, I chew I fall
While singing and mending your torn-apart melodies
My life's lost under your pillow
My breath costs your dream and show
I won't come down
I'll bring up death below your pulverizing soil
We are broken machines...
We are can-not-be-fixed engines.

Last Morning

2009-06-14T08:21:00.001+07:00

I dunno what i was exactly doing while you're angry.

Of getting no passion and captivated.

Of letting go no pressure instead of packing and inhale.

Doomsdayism

2009-06-06T12:11:00.001+07:00

Seemed it didnt work at all.
The vow and those so-called promises.
They bitched about relationship while i was reeling about how-to-be-a-good-girl stuff.
We're done here.

Giant Stop Sign

2009-05-27T07:15:00.000+07:00

Listen to morning breeze. Hope to hear your annoying voice.
Sounds nice for beginner lover. You sucks to experts level.

As i opening curtain in my room,im doomed.

Try to be honest!
I dont like the way we build castle in the middle of this lake.
I dont want this way:you muddled, my persona become fake.

Let's be real.
Let's not continue.

Mortgage

2009-05-25T06:26:00.001+07:00

Maybe leaving wont be the worst.
If only i dont want you that bad.
If only my heart's living no dread.

I dont know since what date i hate being left.

You wont know how it burned me to death.

Im sorry for being so pitiful. I'll leave you later.

-----

Am on my way to Bandung. I dont feel fit but yea. Hmmh.
I gotta learn from my own mistakes. Hahaha. Shit. At this rate, there's anothere twinge of guilt but i hafta go on with this relationship. Haha.
I dunno what am feeling for sure,this love's growing inside bigger and bigger yet i dont know what i've done. Hahaha. Yawn.

Newest

2009-05-20T17:00:00.000+07:00

Mixed Salad

2009-05-01T01:35:00.003+07:00

All things collapse in once
And your figurative character won't make things better.
I wanna hit the sheets.
Lemme forget you for a moment.
Lemme fall asleep.
Lemme forget your kisses.
Lemme be evil.
Lemme haunt you by whispering endless repeated same question:
I dont love you. Do you?

Heart

2009-04-02T10:42:00.001+07:00

Kalau seandainya aku tahu
ada apa di ruang itu
Aku tidak akan menunggu
terlarut lebih jauh
ke perasaan carut-marut itu

Malam ini
Aku akan menciumnya lebih dalam
dari biasa

Kalau saja aku tahu
ada apa di ruang itu
Tak usah repot-repot tersedu

Kadang air mata
terlalu membosankan untuk dihapus

Madness

2009-04-01T10:49:00.002+07:00

Once I said 'yes'
It means 'yes'
And you can never say 'no'
Or regret your saying 'yes'

Once I ask you to stop
You have to
STOP
Without further warning

It all ends here
Without further warning
Or 'no'

You have to trust my ego
Coz I eat yours

2

2009-03-26T13:30:00.002+07:00

2.

Stop talking back at me
I need not talk
And even you murmur sound
It’s useless to say, “I don’t like.”
Even I’m making no point when I say, “I think we should...”
I need no reply
nor flower
I need no call
nor “sorry”
We’re torn, babe.
We’re dying here.

3 jan 08
::panen::

-----------------------

Hai hai hai hai hai hai hai.
Status currently reading gw: Snow Falling on Cedars
Dan gw lagi benci sama yang namanya Etta. Ugh, dia tuh keturunan Jerman-Amerika tapi sotoyyyyyy banget. Dia ngga suka sama bokapnya Kabuo, Zanikhichi ato siapalah namanya gw lupa, gara-gara dia Japanese!! Ya ampyunnn.
Lucu sih baca itu, kesannya gw jadi dihadapkan pada kenyataan bahwa tidak ada orang yang TIDAK SO TAHU di belahan dunia ini.
Mau orang Amerika, orang Arab, orang Sunda, Yahudi, Islam, Kong Hu Chu, Atheis. Namanya juga sikap orang ya ngga?
Hmm. Terus, gw lagi nulis (lagi), berhubung kali ini internet di rumah udah ada walopun ngga cepet-cepet amat dan gw ngga make tiap jam karena aktivitas yang masih banyak dilakukan di luar rumah.
Intinya baca itu belajar, sih. Hahaha! menyenangkan juga buat tahu sifat-sifat orang.
Jadi inget beberapa perangai menyebalkan yang gw temukan di kampuy, terus dari murid-murid, temen-temen yang belum dewasa, yah begitulah. Seru tapi jadinya. Makin kita mau belajar, makin ada aja yang mesti disabarin.
Udah ah, nanti gw cerita-cerita lagi. Otreh.
Tetaplah semangat membaca blog ini. Aseekk.

One.. Why?

2009-02-24T23:11:00.000+07:00

One thing 4 sure. I just need friend to hang-out with.
One... I just need you to take me to beautiful places.
One... I just need not being insecure.
One.. I dont care u relationship wif her.
One.. I want ice cream.
One.. I need you not to kiss me.
One.. I love him still.
One.. We need lunch.
One.. Please lower you voice and be nicer.
Lets just pretend we are good friends they have. This far.

hmm.

2008-12-03T14:13:00.000+07:00

Hari ini pegel-pegel.Leher pegel.
mau duduk tenang gitu tapi tugas banyak banget.aah,tidakk.terus apalagi ya.
gitu deh.gokil pokonya.kangen gw.
dan pegel2.ujan mulu.huuu.
tolong aku.

Beb.

2008-12-03T13:14:00.001+07:00

cepet sembuh.kangen.

12.58

2008-12-01T13:10:00.000+07:00

She is a monster.With red lips.With headband.She is monster.With red shirt.With black skirt.She is the red shitty monster.Fvck her.

A Vs. B

2008-11-25T20:12:00.000+07:00

A:kangen deh.ketemuan yu.
B:hayu.
---
B:kangen deh.
A:santay aja,ntar juga ketemu.

Peduli Amat

2008-11-20T12:55:00.000+07:00

Tiga kali saya memutar jalan yang sama.Cuma buat lihat orang yang sama.Cuma buat lihat mata yang.Cuma buat lihat mata yang sama.
Keempat kalinya.Cuma buat cium aroma yang sama.Padahal di sebelahnya ada macan cina.

Hujan

2008-11-20T01:04:00.001+07:00

Kalau bisa,besok-besok datang juga ya.
supaya aku bisa peluk dia.
lebih erat dari biasa.
amin.

Of Being So

2008-11-19T23:28:00.000+07:00

Why everybody's.
so busy.
of being talkative.
of being attractive.
of being patient.
of being.
solitary.
artificial lies.
mind yours,please.
i'll keep silent here.
wishing it all ends very soon.

Kalau Ada

2008-11-19T23:09:00.000+07:00

Jika aku bisa meminta.
mungkin aku akan menegurmu.
untuk tenangkan aku.
untuk lebih sabar menunggu.
untuk meminta kepastian.
kapan badai datang?
kapan banjir bandang?
kapan gagal panen lagi?
kapan kesempatan memelukmu kembali?
jika aku bisa meminta selembar tisu dari tasmu.
atau mungkin lengan bajumu.
yang aku mau sebenarnya pundakmu.
aku mau hapus air mata dan mengisak disitu.

Semuanya

2008-11-19T23:06:00.000+07:00

mati.
tak terkecuali hati.
ku dan mu.
dia dan nya.
semua tidak lagi biasa.
tak pada tempatnya.
pecah.
runyam.
buram.
carut.
marut.
tersayat.
berdarah.
hanya karena menanti pagi.
aku keburu mati.

STAGE 35

2008-11-06T16:38:00.001+07:00

Sir.Agent 35 here,Sir.Repeat.Agent 35 here,Sir.kkrrkk.

situation unidentified,sir.we hafta hurry.kkrkk.no--.krrkk.oxygen decrea--d.kkrkk.
repeat.ox--n --sed.

SIR.REPEAT.SIR.ITS GONNA BLOW.SIR!
RE--T.BL--W SI--!

krrk......
(over).

Happy.

2008-10-17T22:32:00.000+07:00

Ngga tau.Ngerasa lega aja.I do feel stupid and ignorant at first.Tapi malam ini lega rasanya.I just wanna let other know.This nite is also a witness of our becoming.Hug and kisses to what is mine.

No.Not at all

2008-09-03T23:17:00.000+07:00

there is no perfect love.
and perfect couple.
and an endless understanding.
and also a tireless breath of being chocked.
i bet we are there once.
maybe more.
or forever.

Hey,you.

2008-08-21T09:31:00.000+07:00

I love u until the end.

Better dont.

2008-08-10T18:52:00.000+07:00

What you wish for.
What you keep.
What you believe in.
They dont give u guarantee.
So u better dont give anything to what is vague.
To what you're fighting for.
To what needs your sacrificed.
You better dont.
Never.
For sure,i will not.Never again.

Hon.

2008-07-20T23:16:00.000+07:00

I'd like to watch you sleep.while your head is upon my thigh.and hear your breathe.and watch your lips open,catching oxygen.id like to be with you,while u are sleeping.watching your face.seeing your shoulder move up and down,breathing effect.id like to imagine..im gonna haf such a marvelous nite,years later.

Chiptuners.

2008-07-10T13:22:00.000+07:00

Salah tulis nih. Mestinya [the listrix]

Keep Going

2008-07-06T23:54:00.000+07:00

A little bit more.